My reflection (20sec read)

This is a note I wrote last year at round about the same period as now and it is just an interpretation of how I saw the life of a new friend that I had just met. I do not think she would appreciate me mentioning anymore details so I hope you guys can make it your own story so you can understand it in your own way.

Every time I take a step forward

It seems like i have been here before

Every time I venture out to a new experience

I realize I have done this before

I look in the mirror only to find a replica of me

Covered in dislike and disapproval I shy away

So much to say

But no ears to receive it

So much to do

But no motivation behind it

And so much love to give

But still no heart to take it in

My life is not my own

For I live in the shadow of my other half

Poetry Princess

My ideal is my reality

I actually found this on my pc, I was not even sure if I had written it lol I know right? It just sounded so mature and articulate (not that I’m neither I just have my moments). I am a student of my own mind, and so I am yet to identify with what exactly it is that I can accomplish with it. Anywaaaaaaay this is something I have been struggling to understand with a couple of people who seem to know what they want but struggle to believe in getting what they want.

Many times I come across these words, “well that is just how it would be if things were ideal”, and often I think to myself, this ideal world is actually my reality. The sad reality though is that we have become a society that has stopped believing in the good things of life. We have accepted the harsh realities that we have come to face as the norm of this life, so in turn we refuse ourselves to dream of a better life and more so a better love. I have been having this argument continuously with friends, that I want a so and so type of person and how they would like a so and so forth type of person as well but “they” know that nowadays such people do not exist so they willing to settle for less!? I think I get a sort of chill when someone says well at least he/she is not that bad or “but I mean we cannot always get what we want so let me work with what is given to me.”  

My argument in that is that if you do not believe that that so called is around for you somewhere then for sure you will not find that person, do not blame society and its way of life for not being able to meet that sort of person but rather blame yourself for the lack of faith. “For we focus our eyes not on things that are seen but on things that are unseen, because things that are seen are temporary, and those unseen are eternal”, 2Corinthians4: 18, a verse that I have come to appreciate over time as it questions and strengthens ones faith.

I for one am not a specialist or any sort of relationship counsellor but I know exactly what it is that I want and I know that it’s very much so attainable. In this life time you have to teach yourself one thing and one thing only, your life is only as great as your faith. Well at least that is what I think.

If you believe in good things for your life then that is exactly what you will receive in it.

Paulo Coehlo(my new favourite author) writes that “… when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”  

Can I start over?

This next poem(I think I have a problem with calling my writings "poems" hey, I don't know what it is but I'm not particularly in favour of calling it that, I would much rather call it thoughts, or maybe pieces of writing as you might have seen with my previous posts, but everyone seems to call it poetry so yes I am being a follower, I have no back bone so sue, actually bite me lol), what a long parenthesis, anyway this 'poem' was one of my personal favourites, I don't  know why actually, it just spoke to me I guess, but I as go through it now, I'm not particularly fond of it, it comes across as though one has gone through their life with regret and obviously that is not the case, but nonetheless it is still a beautiful piece, not to blow my own horn or anything.

Can I take it from the beginning?
Can I talk with no sense
Can I laugh for no reason
Can I cry for attention
Can crawl instead
Please, may I start over again?
Can I not think for once?
Can I go out to play
Can I have that first day at school again
Will it do me any good if I redo all of this?
Can I write with no meaning
Can I sing with 'made-up' lyrics of a song I like
Can I watch in awe the simple things of life
Can I not meet them
Can I not lose her when I need her the most in my life
Can I write with no experience
Can I hurt no more
Can I not shed a tear of pain
Can I not be disturbed
Can I make them understand
Is it a bad idea to want to go back and change it all?


Poetry Princess

Never Knew

When one gets to university one realises that most of the tales that are told about "varsity" are not so far-fetched as one might have thought. The streets  are alive at night, the quiet indoor girl is suddenly miss popularity, the education is as tough as ever, and your highschool friends have gone their separate ways so making friends is one more thing to add on your to do list but one thing still remains unchanged and that is my love for writing... This next flow of thoughts is not exactly my first piece in 'varsity' but it's the one that I thought I should share first. As cliche as it sounds unversity is a place where one discovers who their real friends and sometimes lovers are hehe, but most importantly you get to discover yourself. Not to say  that those that haven't discovered themselves yet are  slow or anything lol. ok enough of the random speech...

Never knew I could strike in a similar manner
Words so hurtful, enough to paint  on a banner
Never knew I could burn out witth such ease
When it all seemed like such a breeze
Never knew I could surrender to their criticism
Because I had a good thing going
Never knew I had so much unresolved issues
Until I broke down in my box of tissues
Never knew the kind of friends I had
Till they showed me how easy it was to break the bond
Never knew how much of a story I had to tell
Until I was asked to do so
Never knew I had no one to rely on
But me, myself and my notepad
Never knew I could write so much sadness
Only to have people couple it with poetry
I guess I just never knew that I don't know anything at this point!


Poetry Princess

Eltit

My loud words of silence
Pierce through my deaf ears
Contemplating a disruption of my zero mentality
As I ran on a meaningless journey
Trying to find my lost creativity
So I can scribble another undefined message
Are you with me or have I lost you through this blurred intellect?

Poetry Princess

Her

I wrote this near the end of my matric year in '07, and it was just an expression of a moment in "her" life at that time...

She covers her realities with masquerades
Only to be flourished by them in raids
Persistent on unreal imperfections
Haunted by counter reflections
In wonder of lifes lessons
While trying to face the other person
Getting tired of walking without a vision
Because everything turns into a failed mission
Feels just like the typical woman
Characterised by weakness and over powered by man
They say her weakness lies in her desire
Her mind confused, messed, about to retire
It all seems like both are putting too much effort
And it makes her wonder is it's worth fighting for and taking forth
Emotions expressed as a rhetorical
As they began to recall
Past events which fueled the relationship
Making lovers from a friendship
Time awaits as the relationship is tested
Though often it feels as though it is wasted
Victims of the great mystery
They wait, live and try to create history


Poetry Princess

...Ab

This piece right here was a result of pure boredom hehe, but  I kind of like it hey.

I was taken aback
When I realised it had been abandoned
All because I felt abashed
But I was quick to abate
Forget about it and leave it in the abattoir
My loss began when I began to abdicate
Then I felt pain in the abdomen
It was like my feelings had been abducted
And my values becoming more aberrant
But he was there to abet
And I was sure to abide
His love had the ability
To take me back to abinitio
The beginning where everything was set ablaze
Because of its intensity that was able
To turn everything normal into abnormal
I made a decision to go abroad
And at that moment the past got abolished
I didn't know what everything was about
But believed in the one above
And now in his absence
I look at what we have and take a moment to just absorb...

Poetry Princess

What kind of love is this?

Sometimes things are better understood in a relationship, if one gives themselves an opportunity to hear an outside perspective. These were words I wished my friends had said in her relationship...2007

What kind of love is this?
Filled with heartache and tears
Arising from confusion and misunderstanding
What kind of love is this?
That misleads me into so called happiness
Only to disappoint and hurt me
What kind of love is this?
Bringing me so much pain and misery
And yet I still go back for more
What kind of love is this?
That arises only in times of intoxications
But when sedated with reallity... it's non-existent
What kind of love is this?
Taking me on an emotional rollercoaster
What kind of love is this?
That seems to always complicate the simple things
Merging a heart with no emotions
When does this love end?
Because I am tired of its unpredictability
I'm tired of being weak to its calling
How do I get over this love?
When I'm constantly living my life around it
Where is the new love?
That can free me
Because I'm really tired of not understanding
What kind of love this is!

Poetry Princess

Some thoughts don't need a title...

I had this friend in highschool(well we still friends now) and he had this thing of writing down his thoughts on scraps of paper. He never ever really wrote one full thing, those days that is, so I took up this challenge( its sounds better if I say challenge not that it really was because he had done most of the writing) anyway took up a challenge of gathering his notes and making one full piece based on the theme around his notes. I look at these writings at times and wonder where my creativity went because I'm thinking if I had carried on at that rate I would be the shakespeare of today right? ok maybe not lol let me just stop right there haha. I hope he doesn't kill me for this...

I am lost in a world of entrapment
Which called to me through you
I know you through a lot of pain
Yet thoughts of you cloud my mind with happiness
I feel trapped in this world of love and affection
Your beautyy not allowing me to escape
Your smile with the ability to make a grown boy
Admit he has emotions
My heart now beats with the rhythmn of the definition of my pulse
Which you set as you drew closer to me
With you I have realised that beauty has a name
And perfect has a face
And I feel so ignorant because it is only now that realise that perfection is spelt "y.o.u"
My words have become a journal of adoration
And walking around has become a burden
As I walk around bearing your name in my heart
Would love to promise you forever
But I know love has expectations
So I'd rather perfect today
And let you discover our eternity
I do this in hope of becoming a part of you
So when you hurt
I bleed
When you happy
I'm the one who smiles
I am not complete
I am afraid of sleep
Because it seems like
My love is only real because it's an interpretation of a dream

Libero feat. Poetry Princess

How did it?

How did it change?
From dreams and fantacies
To real and affectionate
How did it speak?
Words of conflict
And call them a peace of its mind
How did it love?
When it bore a broken heart
That showed no signs of ever beating again
How did it look?
After all the messed up confrontations
Of non-existent realities
How did it preach?
When the congregation was lost in the understanding
Of what only the holy spirit can explain
How did it travel?
Through a nation of unresolved hatred
And still remain focused on what lies ahead
How did it sing?
Melodies without rhythmn
And words without meaning
How did it write?
A thought misintepreted as a poem
And still say talent lacks in its character
How did it?


Poetry Princess

Letter to the dead!

We all at some point in our lives lose someone dear to us or know of someone who has lost that special someone. Often you hear people say, "life is not fair" and  always wonder to myself if these people have been promised a fair life? Anyway I'm not here to preach today, I just want to share a piece that I wrote when I was missing her, also a piece from back in high school, like I said I'm starting with all my archives so be patient.

Feels like tomorrow
When I'm going to shed again
Tears of the forgotten today
Unable to forget the pain
No better way to put how missed she is
Feels like  life ripped untimely
Conversations sometimes exclude me
As I am unable to comment on what I do not have
Trying so hard to fill the void in my heart
But still not content
For no one compares
I lost a part of my future
I am left with untold promises
But then I have to accept
That life is not always as one would expect it to be
Not everyone is guaranteed a front seat in my life
And maybe the most valuable treasure of mine
Was not even mine to keep after all
Can't change the fact that
I love her,  loved her and will always love her...

Refiloe

Patience

So there is no history behind this next note apart from me being bored at hostel and having my pencil nearby.


My patience is not that I am
Calm and willing to wait
But because I am content with what have
I seek not to fit in
But only to be a part of my personal growth
Change me not from the way I look on the outside
But in the inside and fill me with humbleness
Let me not be led by confusion and lies
But by a true understanding of my situation
My aim is not to hurt those dear to me
But to keep the golden thread of those around me
As firm as possible
Let not salt water flood the land because of sadness
But because the rhythm of my heart
Beats with contentment and joy
Let my words touch not only broken hearts
But also creative intellectuals
Who will share in the understanding of Poetry
So I write again
My patience is not that I am
Calm and willing to wait
But because endure in allowing
My flow of words flow into producing
What some consider "low quality register"
'WOW'!

Poetry Princess

When "love" was a title

Back in highschool I lent my "dear diary" thought book to an unsuspecting character, only for it never to be returned( well can't say I was angry, more flattered then anything), but anyway a new book was in order but the words were just not coming together anymore! So a friend(same unsuspecting character mind you) at the time suggested I write about "love" and my response as you can imagine was probably the same as the one you have now as you read this. but nonetheless took up the challenge, took my pencil( always felt confident writing in lead) and put words on paper...

Day to day
Trying to understand the undefined
Words in conflict for description
Of what the innerself experiences
"Love so deep it causes butterflies in the knees(stomach),
Love so beautiful like the bright stars twinkling on a dark winter evening"
Vague expressions enough to make you fall...
Out of love
With little experience
But yet a touch of it to make you want more
And lost in the translation of love
That it makes you wonder how things like
Happiness, pain and confusion can be
Encrypted in four simple letters
To leave so many people attached to a point
Of creative explosion
My rhythmic contraction and expansion of the artery
Rates me toward my feelings of love
And my trials take me through this journey
Though I still have not boarded for departure
My expectations allow me to try and
Understand where I am heading..
What I am trying to say is
Words are too ordinary to explain "love"
And only through experience can one truly appreciate the mystery
My picture of love
Is yet to be perfected
So I can tell the story behind it!

Poetry princess

Mind over jogging

As per usual(a new habit) I took my evening jog and man was it tiring, anyway after that jog, I get back to my place and do a few stretches coupled with some strength exercises, then I have a moment of what I'd like to call "mind over jogging". I just close my eyes and for that single moment I embrace solitude. I feel like we should all have that moment every once in a while, take a moment to just reflect on your day and yes take a breather after that heart felt jog lol.

Things just seem to make sense when you just by yourself and think about how your day went, what you didn't like about the day and how you just plan on making tomorrow a better day. During one of my vacation work experiences, one of the speakers during the final project presentations had an interesting take on how to tackle individual growth. He (I forgot his name so you guys will have to excuse me for that) said, every month, take your journal and start writing a letter addressed to yourself, and in that letter look back on how your month went and reflect on issues that affected you.
Admit to your mistakes, e.g Fifi I know you failed that horrid test( I know I had to be a nerd about this but it's the only example I could think of , leave me alone) but it is not the end of the world and this is how you can better tackle it in this month to follow, just a basic run through all the rocks you have stumbled over and how you plan on fixing them and not forgetting the great things that made your month. He said that this sort of reflection helps you not to repeat the same mistakes and they just a building block to a better you.

Anyway my point in telling you about this guy is to explain my "mind over jogging" moment, instead of writing every month to myself, I lie on my back after the jog and I write on my mental journal, try it it could help you look at things differently or you could pass out from being tired lol... Much love peeps<3

Baby steps

This is from way back when I hardly even knew what exactly I was writing about hehe, kinda cute if I must say so myself "Welcome back to reality"

When everything in my life seems ellusive
And words come out like lava
After a volcano eruption
Pages are filled with empty...lonely words
And dreams become a usual fantacy
Now that all seems to be in my favour
With lots of ink in my pen
But nothing to write about
My ink seems molten after the eruption
And my papers are just plain empty
Because now my actions
Have become more of a usual reality


Poetry princess

Hello new world

Ok where  to start? or what to say? I am like a kid who has been given a huge cookie jar. I am not one for many words(#theliesiusuallytell), so will try my best to say as much as I can to keep everyone logged in.

As you guys will see from my blog name I plan to bore you guys with silly sobbing stories of my life, ok enough with the jokes. I have a poetry/thought book titled "dear diary" so I thought it has a certain ring to it so why not use it for my newest venture in life. I have to thank miss therilicious for introducing me to this huge cookie jar!

Dear diary is all about how fifi sees things and how she inteprets the situations that unravel around her life and the people around her. Hope it will be a great interaction between me and the fellow readers and just a way to express myself. I'll try my best not to sob a lot hehe, rather leave that to the readers.

Why was I not introduced to this a few years ago though? so much has been seen but not much has been written about it, I feel betrayed actually but alas we can catch on that as time goes. Nothing quite rounds this up like a cliche, so "cheers to new beginnings"
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