My life became my words...

My life became my words

My experience became my story

Left alone, lost with no one to confide in

The note pad became my only embrace

An escape to a world that I can only put in to words

 A presence that I feel with the flow of my ink

 Hello deaf ears

Good day to my silent company

How are you distant minds?

Words unheard

Articulated through creative intellectuals

Gloomy nights for the drunken soul

Blurry vision for the goalless future

This part of me surfaces every now and then

Hidden through masqueraded conversations

Buried within the new soul

That liberates a future worth hoping for

Ask me now and I cannot tell you why

This is a sad soliloquy that can never reach the eyes of the curious reader…

Poetry Princess

Dear Music...

 I bear it all in a simple melody
Composed myself to the joys of symphony
I find her memory in the words of a stranger
I smile
I laugh
And I cry
All in the name of lyrics
Years pass and I find that I am no longer alone
Though I often dance by myself
The rhythm filled beat accompanies my longing soul
The words comfort my rejected mind
And I find a friend in music
Words that have failed to reach my ears
Are now karaoke tunes to my favourite tracks
I sing along as I get lost in a trance
Becoming one with the harmony of this loveable friend
Exposed
Uncomposed
Left vulnerable
But yet able to embrace its beauty
I listen to complete the celebratory interaction
Never lost
Never defeated
Forever there
Forever mine
Music touch my soul
I am yours

Poetry Princess

Incomplete

One of the most difficult things that I have encountered when it comes to writing, is having to interpret someone’s thoughts while at the same time trying to make them your own in your ‘poems’. I love analysing situations and subsequently the people in them. My writing portrays my views on the situation which I’ve analysed or mostly if needs be of incidences that I myself have undergone… With that being said you can imagine how hard it is for me to finish a piece if it is not something you feel or something you have experienced. I’ve been feeling like writing something for a while now, but my mind has been filled with blank thoughts, today I read a beautiful verse/chorus from a song(it has nothing to do with what I wrote now but it was beautiful enough to entice an emotion) and that urge to write came back. This is not one of my best attempts nor is it a complete attempt, but it took away the urge… Bare with me!

  

To a love never found and a story never told

The memories imagined but never created and,

The music performed with no audience

I write my words for the elusive being

Caressed by the contemplation of my mind

I find myself preoccupied in the hypnosis of my allure

Distracted by words

Conflicted by thoughts

I am officially a ‘damsel in distress’

One not worthy of sympathy but

Just the validation of your reciprocal discernment

The notion of misinterpreted responses

Leaves one in doubt but yet filled with the most infatuated sentiments

I…

Poetry Princess

Tribute to one of the favourites

So I've been thinking(yes I do that at times lol) and I realized that my blog is missing something... I mean if I'm going to continue on this poetry thing(yes I've accepted the poetry connotation, peer pressure) I can't do it without recognising some great work from the  past that have struck a chord in my, hmm wow I'm literally speecheless haha, I can't think of a word that can better go with that metaphor but I'm pretty sure you guys catch my drift hehe. Shakespeare you beauty you! Now I'm not going to lie to you and say that he is the reason I began writing, because honestly I just did an emergency landing on my note pad, had no  idea where I was heading with this or where it came from. Anyway the topic at hand Sonnet 116,  anyone who did this poem in highschool has to remember how great it is. I love the discourse(I'm a sucker for words), the message behind it, and the fact that it is short and to the point. If you have never come across it before this, you can think me later for this post hehe. Enjoy...

Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
   If this be error and upon me proved,
   I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

 William Shakespeare

Perfect

I miss this... writing that is. This is my bitter sweet attempt of conveying a message to the universe, "I am ready to write again" lol

The perfect picture
Drawn with words
Painted with feelings
Visualized through an explosion of emotions
The perfect picture eludes me
Sold to the hopeless art fanatics
Displayed in empty museums
To be viewed by the not so perfect people
The perfect picture is just a dream
Conceptualized in the mind’s restlessness
Spoken through ones imaginative heart
And felt by those who dare to dream
The perfect picture is a place of solitude
Where one can see things clearly
Where life is nothing but a mixture beautiful colours
And problems are the remains of erased memories
The perfect picture started off as a fairytale
It is a love that has never been found and a story that has not been told
And it is yet to find its happily ever after conclusion
The perfect picture…

Poetry Princess

Someone

 Today I kept pondering over the same line "someone forgot about her" and at the same time I was being flooded by tweets about human trafficking, child protection week and so forth... so I decided to write something about "someone" in hope that that line would eventually leave me in peace by tonight, I do have to study you know hehe

Someone forgot about her
Forgot to ask why she has that bruise on her thighs
Why she couldn't bear to eat at the dinner table that evening
Why she chose to walk back instead of waiting to be picked up from school
Someone forgot to let her play
'Cause they were too busy playing one on one games with her
Busy playing "house" with her
Manipulating her innocence for their own twisted 'playing' pleasure
No someone just couldn't understand
Why she comes home late at night
Why she sets her eyes on older men
Why she finds pleasure in bringing a different guy to bed every night
Someone judged her
As she got dressed for her shift down the street at the club
Judged her when she was hooked on drugs she couldn't even name
When she whispered her price for the night through the open window
Someone just didn't care
Enough to ensure the safety of her up bringing
Enough to help her stop and see that she still possesses a bright future
Enough to just love her
And someone made her pay
For the crimes she didn't commit
For the way she chose to dress
For the voice she didn't have
For the trust she easily gave
Someone could be you!

Poetry Princess

Don't lose yourself

So I finally finished this poem/thought/expression or whatever it is that you would like to call it. It began as a line in my notebook that lasted for a few months with no story to tell. Then a few more lines were added but it seemed to have no body or end till today for some odd reason! I like it though, so thank you to the mysterious muse...

That single moment when I embrace it all
When my fears are muted in the outburst of passion
That single moment when nothing else matters
For at that second I'm at peace with my thoughts
That single moment when I fail to interpret what's obvious
Because I'm lost in my world of metaphors
That moment as I take comfort in my gloom
Because the darkness is far less disappointing than any thought of hope
When the music becomes an echoed painful wail
Murmured past ignorant ears
As the beat slows down in synch with the battered heart
I start to recall her story
She lies lost in a world that continuously rejects her presence
Trapped in a soliloquy of scripted words
She embodies a reality that she did not seek to be a part of before
Compelled by burdened circumstances
Unaware THEY embrace the laughter that shields the crying
The smile that hides the pain
The clothes that cover the scars
The beauty that façades the shame
The girl who lives in a world that refuses to see her
And when day breaks dawn yet again
She will stand assured as she puts on her masquerade
And remind herself not to get lost in it...


Poetry Princess

August '08

Finally

Lost in a vision
Through a struggle of confusion
Life feels like such a drag
Since she carries enough pain to fill in a bag
Tears of another turn of wrong choices
Echoed in her mind by different hurt voices
Trying to restore a simple smile with a thought
Wishing that happiness could be bought
So she could stop on this pursuit of hopelessness
Because all it ever brings is despair and unhappiness
As she realizes that everything around her is bound to disappoint
She lies scared, torn and with no one to appoint
As her revivor
She listens to the ones around as they try to convince her that she is indeed a survivor
Crushed, drained, she finds comfort in her sorrow
Till the next one comes and they willing to borrow
A part of themselves for yet another journey of a writer's epilogue
But then we all know how it all fades with just the prologue
If only we could deny ourselves the thirst of misconception
In  time before we burst into disorientation
Caused by life's ultimate checker
Reality!

Poetry Princess

Society

I've often tried to write thoughts according to what is expected of me to write, something with significant meaning in accordance to... I don't even know according to whose standards but that my usual sentimental writing was ineffective. But I can't seem to bring myself to be compliant in that regard, simply because I write what I like and what I feel. In a world where we are continuously forced to walk around in masquerades, I owe it to myself to be true in writing... Liberation.

Life is nothing but a depiction of society
We are the epitome of what the world "expects" of us
And most of all we are the lies that we believe people see through us
Character of a person has its foundation on gossip
And confidence gained only through outside compliments
Malicious words thrown around to bruise ones self-esteem
And yet again we accept devastation as a part of our lives
As we look up to disreputable role-models
What becomes of us?
The media with its daily atrocities
The only distraction I receive is from poetry
Most of it, if not all centered and structered by history
Struggles and difficulties of generations before ours today
All so interesting but a misconception of people being stagnant
Unwilling to let go of what was?
The population of critics ever so big
The first to crush your creativity
Black is more of a shine now
And most hide behind their skin colour
Afraid to be independant
Held back by pride
And enjoying life because of the benefits from double "A"
We speak our minds
Yet we are not loud enough
Because at the end of the day
We still trying to portray the perfect picture...

Poetry Princess

Ask me

Sometimes I just have these moments when I feel like writing something but I have no thought or situation to translate in mind, so I just take my note book and I start writing random lines that have no meaning at that time. When all is said and done, when I have gotten rid of that urge of writing, I look at my little script and I just smile... I hope to do the same for people who take their time to read through my material..:D


If you ask me, I'm ready
To let go of a broken heart
And a beat down soul
If you ask me. I'm falling
Yet again
But I can't seem to reach the ground
If you ask me, I'm scared
To look on ahead
As I take another step forward
If you ask me, I've listened
To countless tunes
Of a lonely heart seeking to fit in
If you ask me, I'm a human
Bound by emotions
And held back by insecurities
If you ask me, I'm blinded
By the many fears clouding my mind
So I find it hard to see even the simplest of things
If you ask me, I'll sing
With my not so soothing voice
Words that will end on deaf ears
If you ask me, I'll love
For nothing in return
And still remain fulfilled
If you ask me, I'll answer
Just ask me...


Poetry Princess

Make my desire pure

This next post is actually ironic(I don't know if this is the word I'm supposed to use here but anyheeeeew), in a sense that I wrote this two years back but it makes more sense today more than ever...

I call it the liberating "non fairytale"
That freed my sense of being and thinking
Over powered by the curiosity of knowing
And satisfied by my decision of honesty
I feel liberated indeed
I wonder no more
Because I know much more
I've found my peace of mind
Dear new desire
Occupy my empty thoughts
And entertain my longing desire
To just want...
Fill me not with riddles to torment
But rather to challenge my intellect
Excite me with the virtue of patience
And intrigue me with the knowledge of acceptance
Make my desire pure


Poetry Princess

Girl pleeeeeaz

I hope my skeemz don't mind that I took it upon myself to reply to her "Boy pleez"...

This girl has got me losing my sense of manhood though
I mean she pretty and all but she ain't all that right?
*tries to convince myself*
If only I could spend a moment in her thoughts, steal that one hopeful thought of me
Well at least I'd like to think that I do cross her mind every now and then...
I think she knows though
I mean a guy is all up in her space making random conversation with the lady
Where am I going with this though...

Should ask if she has any lunch plans?
No "dawg" too obvious
But I got this, I mean I've done this countless times before
I mean she pretty and all but she ain't all that riiiiiiight?
*compose yourself "dawg"*

Ok let's try this one more time
Wait, did she just say "I'm fine and you thanx"?
She has got to be as nervous as I am obviously
I mean why else would she lose her grip on grammar so to say...
We all know her eloquent way is just one of my favourate things about her

This girl though
What is it about her?
I can't tell my boys  about this, well not till I'm sure riiiight?
*takes my hand out my pocket*
Let's show some composure boi #notetoself

"Hello beautiful how are you doing?"
Wait, did I just say that to her?
She must think I'm...what's the word...yeah lame
What's next "your my size"?
*laughs out loud* well not really I just smiled...
She must think I'm smiling back at her so no harm done
Shoot a brother for being honest though

I can't seem to get a read on her.
Is she just being nice, friendly... or is she genuinely blushing?
GIRLS...

Me:"Looking beautiful as always"
Her: "thank you, you don't look to shabby yourself"
That's comforting, was wondering this morning if this tie goes well with this shirt...
*awkward staring*
"Enjoy your day dear, hopefully I can catch you later, got some work to do..." #blahblah
But that could have gone smoother right?

But this girl though
Is she checking me out as I walk away?
Do I turn and look at her now?
"Nah dawg, I've been saying this though"
*compose yourself*

Let's try this again tomorrow
"How are you doing beautiful?"
Ah flip, I just  had to throw that last part in again
Her: "I'm fine and you thanx"?
Ha ha ha, she did it again
*cute*

Phase one complete :)

I Dream

Well hello 2012!!!!! Yes indeed, my first post of the year sadly inspired by a broken heart! I  don't know if it's just me but I seem to be inspired to write more when pain is in the midst. It could be because I write in hope that my words can be a start in a process of mending a broken heart. There are two quotes that I have to come to appreciate over time, "if it was not this, it would have been something else"-Unknown, and "Experiences of failure may not be forgotten but should never be repeated"-Ethel Manyaka.
I wrote this "poem" when a friend of mine was drowning in her tears because her heart had just been broken(quite glad that was not a literal scene imagine the mess she would have caused lol), but yes she was miserable and all I could think about was how in a few months time she would have forgotten about this ordeal and how I can make her see this without giving her a lecture about life(Yes I'm trained for such :p, I've attained much experience in the matter #asyouwere lol)...

I dream of a better tomorrow
Where the pain of yesterday is not forgotten
But it hurts no more
I dream of a better understanding
Of how situations such as this
Can be the epic turn in my life
I dream of a better hope
In life where I fear no more
For will have a mended heart
I dream of a better love
Where I understand its meaning
And I want to share it and not expect a thing in return
I dream of a better me
Driven and passionate
But not oblivious to my hardships
I dream of a better history
Filled with memories of joy
And of overcoming trials and tribulations that were encounted
I dream of a better maturity
Because growth is inevitable
But my minds understanding is not guaranteed
I dream of a story to tell
That will make the dreams of others better
I DREAM!!!

Poetry Princess

My reflection (20sec read)

This is a note I wrote last year at round about the same period as now and it is just an interpretation of how I saw the life of a new friend that I had just met. I do not think she would appreciate me mentioning anymore details so I hope you guys can make it your own story so you can understand it in your own way.

Every time I take a step forward

It seems like i have been here before

Every time I venture out to a new experience

I realize I have done this before

I look in the mirror only to find a replica of me

Covered in dislike and disapproval I shy away

So much to say

But no ears to receive it

So much to do

But no motivation behind it

And so much love to give

But still no heart to take it in

My life is not my own

For I live in the shadow of my other half

Poetry Princess

My ideal is my reality

I actually found this on my pc, I was not even sure if I had written it lol I know right? It just sounded so mature and articulate (not that I’m neither I just have my moments). I am a student of my own mind, and so I am yet to identify with what exactly it is that I can accomplish with it. Anywaaaaaaay this is something I have been struggling to understand with a couple of people who seem to know what they want but struggle to believe in getting what they want.

Many times I come across these words, “well that is just how it would be if things were ideal”, and often I think to myself, this ideal world is actually my reality. The sad reality though is that we have become a society that has stopped believing in the good things of life. We have accepted the harsh realities that we have come to face as the norm of this life, so in turn we refuse ourselves to dream of a better life and more so a better love. I have been having this argument continuously with friends, that I want a so and so type of person and how they would like a so and so forth type of person as well but “they” know that nowadays such people do not exist so they willing to settle for less!? I think I get a sort of chill when someone says well at least he/she is not that bad or “but I mean we cannot always get what we want so let me work with what is given to me.”  

My argument in that is that if you do not believe that that so called is around for you somewhere then for sure you will not find that person, do not blame society and its way of life for not being able to meet that sort of person but rather blame yourself for the lack of faith. “For we focus our eyes not on things that are seen but on things that are unseen, because things that are seen are temporary, and those unseen are eternal”, 2Corinthians4: 18, a verse that I have come to appreciate over time as it questions and strengthens ones faith.

I for one am not a specialist or any sort of relationship counsellor but I know exactly what it is that I want and I know that it’s very much so attainable. In this life time you have to teach yourself one thing and one thing only, your life is only as great as your faith. Well at least that is what I think.

If you believe in good things for your life then that is exactly what you will receive in it.

Paulo Coehlo(my new favourite author) writes that “… when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”  

Can I start over?

This next poem(I think I have a problem with calling my writings "poems" hey, I don't know what it is but I'm not particularly in favour of calling it that, I would much rather call it thoughts, or maybe pieces of writing as you might have seen with my previous posts, but everyone seems to call it poetry so yes I am being a follower, I have no back bone so sue, actually bite me lol), what a long parenthesis, anyway this 'poem' was one of my personal favourites, I don't  know why actually, it just spoke to me I guess, but I as go through it now, I'm not particularly fond of it, it comes across as though one has gone through their life with regret and obviously that is not the case, but nonetheless it is still a beautiful piece, not to blow my own horn or anything.

Can I take it from the beginning?
Can I talk with no sense
Can I laugh for no reason
Can I cry for attention
Can crawl instead
Please, may I start over again?
Can I not think for once?
Can I go out to play
Can I have that first day at school again
Will it do me any good if I redo all of this?
Can I write with no meaning
Can I sing with 'made-up' lyrics of a song I like
Can I watch in awe the simple things of life
Can I not meet them
Can I not lose her when I need her the most in my life
Can I write with no experience
Can I hurt no more
Can I not shed a tear of pain
Can I not be disturbed
Can I make them understand
Is it a bad idea to want to go back and change it all?


Poetry Princess

Never Knew

When one gets to university one realises that most of the tales that are told about "varsity" are not so far-fetched as one might have thought. The streets  are alive at night, the quiet indoor girl is suddenly miss popularity, the education is as tough as ever, and your highschool friends have gone their separate ways so making friends is one more thing to add on your to do list but one thing still remains unchanged and that is my love for writing... This next flow of thoughts is not exactly my first piece in 'varsity' but it's the one that I thought I should share first. As cliche as it sounds unversity is a place where one discovers who their real friends and sometimes lovers are hehe, but most importantly you get to discover yourself. Not to say  that those that haven't discovered themselves yet are  slow or anything lol. ok enough of the random speech...

Never knew I could strike in a similar manner
Words so hurtful, enough to paint  on a banner
Never knew I could burn out witth such ease
When it all seemed like such a breeze
Never knew I could surrender to their criticism
Because I had a good thing going
Never knew I had so much unresolved issues
Until I broke down in my box of tissues
Never knew the kind of friends I had
Till they showed me how easy it was to break the bond
Never knew how much of a story I had to tell
Until I was asked to do so
Never knew I had no one to rely on
But me, myself and my notepad
Never knew I could write so much sadness
Only to have people couple it with poetry
I guess I just never knew that I don't know anything at this point!


Poetry Princess

Eltit

My loud words of silence
Pierce through my deaf ears
Contemplating a disruption of my zero mentality
As I ran on a meaningless journey
Trying to find my lost creativity
So I can scribble another undefined message
Are you with me or have I lost you through this blurred intellect?

Poetry Princess

Her

I wrote this near the end of my matric year in '07, and it was just an expression of a moment in "her" life at that time...

She covers her realities with masquerades
Only to be flourished by them in raids
Persistent on unreal imperfections
Haunted by counter reflections
In wonder of lifes lessons
While trying to face the other person
Getting tired of walking without a vision
Because everything turns into a failed mission
Feels just like the typical woman
Characterised by weakness and over powered by man
They say her weakness lies in her desire
Her mind confused, messed, about to retire
It all seems like both are putting too much effort
And it makes her wonder is it's worth fighting for and taking forth
Emotions expressed as a rhetorical
As they began to recall
Past events which fueled the relationship
Making lovers from a friendship
Time awaits as the relationship is tested
Though often it feels as though it is wasted
Victims of the great mystery
They wait, live and try to create history


Poetry Princess

...Ab

This piece right here was a result of pure boredom hehe, but  I kind of like it hey.

I was taken aback
When I realised it had been abandoned
All because I felt abashed
But I was quick to abate
Forget about it and leave it in the abattoir
My loss began when I began to abdicate
Then I felt pain in the abdomen
It was like my feelings had been abducted
And my values becoming more aberrant
But he was there to abet
And I was sure to abide
His love had the ability
To take me back to abinitio
The beginning where everything was set ablaze
Because of its intensity that was able
To turn everything normal into abnormal
I made a decision to go abroad
And at that moment the past got abolished
I didn't know what everything was about
But believed in the one above
And now in his absence
I look at what we have and take a moment to just absorb...

Poetry Princess